A dear friend of mine recently said that they haven't been happy for a long time. I myself have questioned my happy status off and on. Then several other people in my circle have also mentioned their lack of happy. This of course got me thinking, so here goes my thinking feel free to let me know if you think I'm off course or have anything to add.
The first question is what is happy? Is it a constant state of being? Is it a fleeting moment? Do you have to be smiling or laughing? Personally, I think Happy is a moment or a restricted length of time. What follows happy should be a sense of ease or contentment. Contentment is the state of emotion that I believe we should try to achieve.
First you need to ask yourself what is it that you think makes you happy? Is it the company you keep? Your job, your hobbies and pursuits, family, pets, achievements? Reaching a goal that you have strived for should give you a sense of pride and happiness. Remember I said I believe that happy is a limited moment of time. Let's look at that concept. These are the moments (undetermined time frame) that I came up with that people feel happy or elated I'm sure there are plenty more, but these are the obvious. The birth of a child, a pleasant surprise, a wedding, being around good company, anticipation of a trip or event, achieving a goal or watching someone you care about achieving a goal, getting a job you have needed and hoped for, buying something new like a car or house etc... you get the idea. All of these things bring people a sense of happy. It's a physiological response. Your endorphins and adrenalin in your system are high. You feed off others energy and you feel pride and love. Happiness can be internal or external and what makes one happy is not necessarily what makes another happy. Happiness isn't a state of permanent being. It can be a fleeting moment or last a few hours or if you're lucky a few days. Did you know that just smiling can raise your endorphin levels. Yes, all you need to do to increase your happy/ contentment level is smile. Think of something that made you smile or laugh in the past, then put that smile on your face and feel your spirit's lift. Walk into the grocery store with a smile on your face and see how many you get back, make it a game. Smiles are contagious, catch one and give one. I think part of what made covid even more depressing than it was, was the fact that we couldn't see peoples smiles.
When you ask someone what makes them happy, some people have a ready set list others have no idea. The ones that have a ready set list may know or may think that those things make them happy, or they may think that they fall into the happy category but really fall into a different category like strong emotions or ease of life's challenges. Example, money, does it really make you happy or does it just make getting by in life easier? Winning a lottery may make you happy but the challenges after can bring on bigger problems if the windfall is not handled well. Another common response is sex. The problem with this answer is that sex actually falls under the category of strong emotion not happiness. Again, those endorphins are playing a huge roll in this. Let's list some of the emotions and some of the feelings associated with sex. Blissful, euphoric, anticipatory, desire, relaxing, comfort, powerful, heartwarming, safe I know I left out a bunch go ahead add some more but you get the idea. All of this makes you feel good, but it is not happiness, it would fall more under the category of pleasure.
Now to look at what happiness means and why contentment is more of a constant that we need to achieve. We should all have moments of happiness in our lives. Remember these are fleeting. You can raise your inner contentment/ happiness level by taking mental snapshots of these happy moments and whipping them out to the front of your brain when you are feeling down. You can also feel better by raising your endorphin levels, there are simple ways of doing this.
Exercise
Laughter (even if you are by yourself think of something that makes you laugh or watch a funny show)
Sex: it is not defined as happiness but can produce those endorphins that will make you feel better for a while.
Dark chocolate
Eat spicy food
Create or listen to music
Create or look at art
Dance: put on some music and dance and sing around your house when you are doing other things or just take time to dance. This is a powerful positive endorphin building tool.
If you feel like you are never happy you need to look at why. It could be you, get a mental health assessment and make sure that you are not suffering from some level of clinical depression. Try one or more of those endorphin building tips. Look at your surroundings it might be as simple as a clean house, ask for help or hire someone if the chore seems overwhelming. Are you in a toxic relationship, if so, can you get out of it safely, there are programs and services out there to help with this. I know from personal experience how hard and frightening getting out of a toxic relationship can be. People always say why doesn't he or she just leave? Sometimes it's just not that simple, try to find someone you can trust, stay safe and do everything you need to do to escape. I feel like I just went down a rabbit hole, but I think it is and important rabbit hole. Whatever you feel is making you down try to take steps to change it. Don't make it a one-man job, ask for help if it seems to be too much for you.
The goal we are seeking is contentment for most of our day. This is also not a constant. Things happen. Someone says something upsetting something happens that is upsetting, traffic on our way to or from work is awful, something sad occurs, you get frustrated. Anger however is a choice. OH, I hear you out there going is she crazy!!! No, it really is a choice before you lose your temper ask yourself several questions. Will being angry change the situation? Is there any way that my actions can change the situation? Is this really a battle or just something a bit annoying or frustrating? Remember being angry hurts you way more than anyone else. It raises your blood pressure, your heart rate, can cause strokes and is actually harmful to your organs. If your anger is justified give yourself a time limit of no more that 10 minutes to fume, mumble, or dwell on the subject. We are not our best selves when we are angry, and you are losing out on all that possible happiness time you are so looking for. Seek contentment. Most of your problems are under control, you have a few moments every day for yourself. Do something that makes you calm or happy. Meditate for at least 10 minutes a day. Talk to the people in your life, take a walk, read a book, cook a meal, paint a picture, you get it do something fun that you enjoy. Making time for yourself and your loved ones will bring a sense of contentment to you as well as that possible Happy moment we all seek.
Wrapping it up. Happiness is not a constant state of existence, it is a fleeting moment to be savored, saved, and enjoyed. Feel free to whip out your happiness snapshot card in your brain anytime you need a fix. Happiness is a physiological state, one that you can manipulate, one that you actually have more power over than you realize. Use your power. Happiness does not fall from trees and land in your lap. You need to participate in life in order to experience it. We also need to recognize it when we see it. There are many small happy moments in all of our lives. Watching my dogs play with each other makes me smile and laugh, sometimes I see a small child in public that does something funny or sweet that makes me smile. Watching a very tiny bird dive bomb a very tiny squirrel the other day made me laugh. These are happy moments, notice them savor them, keep them tucked away. You are responsible for your own happiness no one else. You choose how many tiny moments around you that you notice and let them put a smile on your face. Seek contentment by
storing up as many happy snapshots you can.
Remember this song? Well, he has the right idea. Who can listen to this song and not smile?
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry be happy
Don't worry be happy now
Don't worry
Woo ooh-woo-ooh-woo-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
Ooh-ooh hoo-hoo-ooh hoo-hoo-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
Don't worry
Woo ooh-woo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo-ooh-woo-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
Don't worry be happy
The landlord say your rent is late he may have to litigate
Don't worry
Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha
Be happy
Look at me I'm happy
Don't worry
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh...
Be happy
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Here I'll give you my phone number
When you're worried call me I'll make you happy
Don't worry
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
But don't worry be happy
'Cause when you're worried your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don't worry be happy
Don't worry be happy now
Don't worry
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
Don't worry
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
I hope you learned it note for note like good little children
Don't worry be happy
Listen to a what I say in your life expect some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry be happy be happy now
Don't worry
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
Don't worry
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
Don't worry (Don't worry, don't do it)
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Be happy
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
(Put a smile on your face, don't bring everybody down like this)
Don't worry
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh
It will soon pass, whatever it is
Woo ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't worry be happy
I'm not worried
No comments:
Post a Comment